Aristotle famously said: “Man is by nature a social animal.” Humans, as a race, are social beings that require connectivity with others in order to function. Something we are very reliant on others for, for example, is how we perceive and value ourselves.

American sociologist Charles Horton Cooley (1864–1929) once remarked, “I am not what I think I am. I am not what you think I am.” His words do feel particularly relevant in today’s society. We have always, for better or for worse, been dependent on others to define ourselves. In the modern world, the pool of “others” is ever expanding, thanks to the mechanisms of social media.

Social media has revolutionised human connectivity, shaping the way we interact, communicate and perceive ourselves.It has transcended the limitations (and, as we will soon see, the benefits) of letters and telegrams and created connectivity between people from different corners of the world.

This non-stop barrage of access has created what we call the “instant gratification” phenomenon – the expectation of immediate satisfaction. With the click of a button, we receive validation in the form of replies, likes, comments and shares.

As MIT professor and author of Alone Together (2011) Sherry Turkle stated, “Technology doesn’t just change what we do – it changes who we are.” This affirmation boosts our sense of self-worth and today, ‘likes’ have become currency – in both a monetary sense and a social sense. Inevitably, as perceived popularity grows, so does ego, so does the intertwining of self-perception with an online persona.

Over time, this can lead to narcissistic tendencies, as individuals become preoccupied with curating a perfect image rather than focusing on genuine self-improvement. The snowball effect of an ever-expanding ego may cause people to seek attention for the sake of visibility rather than meaningful connection, eroding the authenticity of social interactions.

A 2020 paper in Addictive Behaviors Reports highlights the positive association between “grandiose narcissism” and problematic Facebook use. It concluded that people who are obsessed with attention on social media have extremely self-centred and self-important views of themselves. Such people are vulnerable, because if such acts of affirmation stop it has an impact on the ego.

Imagine someone who is used to getting hundreds of ‘likes’ on their social media posts. Each ‘like’ reinforces their self-esteem. This may create a cycle of dependency on digital approval. However, if engagement declines – perhaps due to algorithm changes, shifting trends or simply people losing interest – the person may feel unworthy, anxious or even depressed.

Dr. Jean Twenge, American psychologist and author of Generation Me (2006), commented that, “Narcissism is not self-love – it’s a fixation on the self, often at the expense of others.”

Moreover, the speed at which information spreads on social media leaves little room for deep reflection. In an age where immediate reactions are encouraged, thoughtful consideration often takes a backseat. This can result in impulsive decision-making, misinterpretation and conflict that could have been avoided if people took the time to process information critically.

We have become quick-tempered and demand immediate attention to our needs. Take messaging, for example. Most people, even before sending a message, have an inherent expectation for the other to reply in an instant, or as quickly as possible. The blue tick or ‘seen’ feature on messaging platforms amplifies this pressure, making delayed responses feel like a form of neglect or even disrespect.

For example, in today’s culture, to be left as ‘seen’ in a conversation is considered disrespectful as one has yet to deliver a response. This suggests that we are being shaped into narcissists, because we desire a response as a form of attention. Over time, this can erode the quality of communication, making interactions transactional rather than meaningful.

Socrates reminds us that: “The unexamined life is not worth living.” In a nutshell, society is at a pivotal moment, where we need to constantly question the norms of behaviour. This allows for progressive steps to be taken in hopes of improvement, and creating a more conducive environment.

With this in mind, social media is a good example. Seeing its significant flaws, such as encouraging narcissistic behaviour as well as contributing to addiction, highlights the need to look for new ideas that address these problems and offer potential solutions.